I feel guilty, thinking there was really no other way or I made myself believe so. But nothing can happen now.

I am sitting in Abhimanyu Ji's house in his room as a married woman. I never knew he lived here with his parents.

For some reason it made me feel better, na said she wouldn't have let me get hurt if she would have known what was happening. Here she will know everything.

But abhimanyu ji has not shown any sign he would ever hit me with. He has been taking me to the doctor, taking interest in the child. He texts me asking how I am and how the baby is. I look down at my fingers the thought scares me.

Raghav used to be caring when the relationship started. Abhimanyu can be the same, his mother can be the same. They can also take away my child from me.

But all these thoughts arise in his absence as soon as he is around me all I feel is warmth and comfort.

In my mind, I didn't realise when Abhimanyu came and sat beside me. He was wearing a white kurta, in contrast to my maroon lehenga.

He had laid down his eyes and remained closed.

"Ca-Can I go and change?" He looked at me and moved side, his head was now rested on his hand.

"You never asked me if you could breath." My eyebrows furrowed at his reply.

"I-I... I am sorry."

He smiled at me and then held my hand, tracing my knuckles. My mind yelled at me to take the hand back, but I didn't want to. I wanted to enjoy the heat his big hands wrapped around my fingers provided.

"You don't have to ask for everything, you can do as you will here."

"Don't touch my stuff, cook my food at a time and you can do anything else you want." Abhimanyu ji 's words did not sound anything like Raghav's.

Was there really a difference?

There was surely a difference in the way I felt around Abhimanyu ji.

I went down with the heavy lehenga, the lehnga and the baby bump made it difficult. But I looked better. Better and different. I didn't know what I was happy about. But I felt happy and free.

Abhimanyu ji's eyes remained on me. The way he held my hand, this marriage didn't feel like an obligation to him. But does he know it is an obligation to me? I looked back at him, wanting to question what he was looking at but rather moved ahead.

I barely had a lot of stuff. Anyways I was asked not to bring anything, and everything would be arranged in my closet.

The closet was huge, my eyes widened. I looked at the glass door to the cupboards. Half of the walk in closet was filled with his suits, tshirts, pants and what not.

Did he really love clothes so much? On hi birthday I can give him clothes. But will we ever celebrate his birthday together? He may find someone he loves to celebrate his best days with.

I shook my head, to the faraway land my thoughts had travelled to. My baby kicked with force and brought me out of my thoughts.

Recently the baby has been kicking a lot. Especially when I am around Abhimanyu ji. Does the baby know something I don't know?

I found so many clothes for women filling the other half of the room and walked there. I picked a simple pyjama set.

My thoughts wandering back to Abhimanyu ji, since we are married I hope he can really love my child. I hope my child loves him more than me.

He never referred to the child as mine. He would either call it the baby or would call it as our baby.

I moved out of the room, to see him still sleeping in bed. There was no extra bedding or couch in the room.

"Where, where should I sleep?"

"On the bed." The tone he used was different from the one he used when he was joking.

And I didn't knew if I should argue against it or just follow. So I went and laid down as far from him as possible.

"There are so many things I want to know about your life, but I know remembering them would bring stress on you and the baby. So tell me what do you want to have a girl or a boy?"

He now had his face towards me. And held my hand again in his. I wondered if saying that I wanted a boy would make him happy.

I looked away and whispered " a boy. " I honestly wanted my child to be healthy be it a girl or boy. But I wanted to just not make him angry.

"Why not a girl? I want it to be a girl. Someone who is like you, innocent and kind." Saying this he pulled me a little on the bed and I gasped.

"I do want to touch you inappropriately but not without your permission. So don't go in the corners to fall off the bed. " I was embarrassed at the words he said.

Somewhat inside me I wished it was not a girl, "she will have to go through the same things I went through." His palm tightened around mine.

"Never Ruhi, I know I have failed you once. But it will never happen to you or our child ever again"

"You did not failed me. You are not responsible for what happened.

"You would never understand Ruhi. You would never understand."