I slept better than I had slept in years. Something about his presence in the room did not deteriorate my night. I looked at my side, where he slept holding my hand.

He is still there, it all feels like a dream. I blink my eyes thrice to make sure it is how I am going to wake up ever day.

I felt sad at the urge of touching him. I just lost my husband, and then got remarried and I want to move closer to this man. Guilt consumes me making me wonder why do I feel this way.

These days I have been asking myself this question a lot. I want to start a happy life with Abhimanyu, believe in his promises and let myself be happy.

I wonder how he would react when I touch him, maybe kiss him. I want to roam my hands in his hair, but am I allowed to?

I don't want this again. The permission to touch my own husband, being scared around him every time. And I am aware more than Abhimanyu Ji's it is ithe fear of my past.

I move closer to him on the bed. My breaths quickening, there was still a lot of gap between us. I inches closer and closer. Close enough to only put a pillow between us.

I wanted to see what happens here, can things go different this time. I trace my hands in his hair and close my eyes at the feel. Something about Abhimanyu ji makes me a different person.

Changed from what I have been all this time. I move my palm down on his face, the softness of his full grown beard.

"Agar ap mujhe chu sakti hai toh kya mein apko chu sakta hu?"

(If you can touch me is it okay if I touch you too.)

I gasped at his voice and held my hand back. I moved my eyes up to his. I felt tingles thinking how he would touch me. And I nodded in yes.

Abhimanyu ji did not take a second to move his hand around my waist and pull me in him. I gasped at his action.

"Calm down meri jaan. Did you sleep better?" My throat went dry at the closeness of his lips to mine. His arms around me tightened. The only space between us was my baby bump.

I nodded at his question "So li jiye apko jitna Sona hai abhi, waqt aane par hum apki nind bhi uda denge or woh bhi bohot pyar se."

(Sleep as much as you want to sleep, when time will come, I will take your sleep away that too with love.)

I gulped a choke back. And looked down not being able to stare at him.

"I want to take you to our offices and factories." He said now caressing the baby bump.

"I want you to know what empire do you rule."

A traitor tear leaves my eye, and in his conversation he doesn't realise it but I am not listening.

In my head I am spiralling thinking if this is really as good as it seems or my life is playing another cruel joke on me.

Abhimanyu ji shifted down and kept his palm on the baby bump. "Are you doing okay my baby? Is mumma troubling you." He smiled up at me when baby kicked on his answer.

I don't want this to be a joke. I want Abhimanyu ji to be my reality. I want to have a happy life with him. I want to become the women he deserves and be the best for him. I want to try again and not let this relationship fail.

"We will trouble your mumma together when you will be here. Please become a girl if you are a boy. Your dadda loves you." His words make me happy. But an involuntary reminder that he is not mine makes me hate my mind.

He stares deep into my eyes and kisses the bump so many times. "You can't say this to the baby. What if it's a he. The baby would be hurt."

He made a scrunched up face at my reply. "I am not going to hear you. In there I am aware is my baby girl."

"Thank you Abhimanyu ji. I have always been worried about my baby. How will I give it a life it deserves." My eyes travelled away unable to see what my next words would make him feel.

"I want to work on this relationship, not just for baby but for my own happiness as well. You have made me so happy in one day that I have never been this happy in my entire life. I am scared, scared that it will happen again. I will get hurt again. Scared that you will never be mine. Scared that you would see my scars and realise I am used and leave me and this baby alone."

Tears streamed down my face. I didn't even held the courage to wipe them.

"I don't want your money Abhimanyu ji I don't feel this way because of you..."

My words were left incomplete as I felt his lips on mine. He remained there staring in my eyes.

"I am going to tell you this for the last time Radhika. Register it in your brain. This baby is mine. For that if you have to believe I am your first husband then be it. You are mine. And even if you feel all of this because of money. I work as a slave in your empire. Every single penny I have is yours. If not for you I would not be able to earn at all. And lastly I will be here, always. You are scars are mine. Your past is mine and I am yours Radhika. I don't know how to let you know what I feel and how to make you believe in me. But every day, every single day you would know how lucky I am to have you both in my life."

And saying this he kissed me again, his lips sucking mine. I wanted to push him away, this was not right. Instead I wrapped my arms around his neck and kissed him back with tears still streaming out of my eyes.